sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
