apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
