were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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