theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
