You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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