The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
