About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I had to cum in my sink.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
