i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you will always have a special place in my vag
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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