Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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