the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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