I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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