from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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