We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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