First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Come share oat with me in your robe
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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