I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
