i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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