oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
