she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
