Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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