I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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