They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
