You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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