Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
