I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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