The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
