I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
