do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
