I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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