Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
FUCK WHALES
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
