i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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