There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
