the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
