Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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