me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
