You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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