sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
