Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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