the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
as a side note pls kill me
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
