Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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