I got chris browned last night
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
