can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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