all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Randomize
