True but thats because hes a fetus.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
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