I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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