haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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