Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
