New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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