You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he fucked my hip out of place.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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