I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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