He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
