I got chris browned last night
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
