you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
