You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
