no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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