Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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