I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize
