There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
