I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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