The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
