I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
