Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
it's great music for shaving your balls
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
