butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
