ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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