Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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