Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
