I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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