Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I don't deserve a penis
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
