id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
