I need to stop coming to work sober
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
